You Are Stronger Than You Think! (Psychology Today article)

Hello There!

I read this on the Psychology Today website, and thought it had some really good points. So, I thought I'd share this with you all as it surely applies to so many of us.  

Jessica

Why You're Stronger Than You Think

.. and how you can prove it to yourself.

Post published by Amy Morin on Apr 07, 2015 in What Mentally Strong People Don't Do

Source:  Stuart Monk/Shutterstock

Whether you think you can’t handle being rejected by a love interest, or you’re convinced you can't deal with the uncertainty and discomfort associated with making a career change, second guessing your ability to tolerate distress will only hold you back in life.

In fact, the more you doubt your mental strength, the more important it is for you to prove to yourself that you're stronger than you know.

Allowing exaggeratedly negative self-talk to dictate your behavior will prevent you from reaching your potential. Just because you think you're not mentally strong enough to do or handle something doesn’t mean it’s true: You’re likely able to tolerate much more than you think. 

The Mental Strength to Handle Discomfort

Choosing to avoid uncomfortable feelings offers immediate short-term relief, but avoidance can have long-term consequences:

• If you think, “I can’t stand being hungry,” you may eat to avoid the possibility that you’ll experience hunger, grabbing an extra snack before you head out of the house, or stopping to pick up an extra bite to eat before your commute home. Even when you don’t feel hungry, you may decide not to take any chances and eat as a preventative measure. Eventually, your waistline may suffer the consequences.
• Thinking, “I can’t deal with my job any longer,” will cause you to exaggerate your inability to tolerate stress. You may waste your evenings dreading going to work and spend your workday complaining about your stress level. As a result, you'll inadvertently increase your stress and reinforce to yourself that you're just not strong enough to handle it. Eventually, you'll likely quit—not because you really wanted to, but because you convinced yourself you weren't strong enough to handle the job.
• When you think, “I can’t give a presentation to the whole company,” it reinforces to you that you can't tolerate discomfort. Avoiding a public speaking opportunity, simply because you don't want to deal with your fear, embarrassment, or discomfort could prevent you from establishing yourself as an authority or getting a promotion.

Why Believing Your Self-Doubt is a Bad Idea

Just because you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean you need to give up right away. Prove to yourself that you're strong enough to tolerate more than you think:

• Thinking you can’t stand something influences how you feel. You’re likely to feel a sense of dread, anxiety, or even anger as you approach something you think you can’t tolerate. As you experience more negative emotions, your thoughts can become exaggeratedly negative, creating a cycle of self-doubt.
• You'll struggle to reach your goals. Quitting because you don't want to be uncomfortable will prevent you from growing. The greatest things in life tend to happen outside our comfort zones. Doubting your ability to step outside of yours will keep you stuck. 
• Giving up can become a habit. Quitting every time you face a new challenge can change how you view yourself. You may begin to believe that you’re weak or a failure because you can’t seem to stick with things long enough to see positive results.

When you think you're not strong enough, prove yourself wrong. If you think you can’t stand something for one more minute, stick around for two minutes just to prove to yourself that you can do it. If you think you can’t stand one more week at the office, resolve to work at least two more weeks. Make a conscious decision that you won’t allow negative thoughts to limit your potential.

This doesn’t mean you need to work at a job you hate for 30 years just to prove you can, but by working one day longer than you thought you could, you can prove to yourself that you’re mentally stronger than you gave yourself credit for. If and when you do choose to quit, then it will be on your terms, reflecting a decision based on a choice to improve your life, not made because you had to run away from uncomfortable feelings.

Source: Fotolia.com

Conduct behavioral experiments that prove your self-doubt wrong and eventually, you'll change the way you think. You’ll begin to see that you have more mental strength than you ever imagined. You’ll be less likely to think about all the things you can't do, and more likely to recognize all the choices you have when you're your strongest and best self.

Therapeutic Dream Catchers!

I had to share this! I have done activities with dream catchers in session before so my eye was drawn to this one that I saw someone else post.  So, I decided to try it in session! Anyhow, I did make an alteration or two, mainly to personalize things a little more for my client.  Also, we used real feathers as well as drawing them (we drew some on as seen in the picture above and we also attached string to the pic and had a couple hanging off the picture from the string).

You could alter this activity depending on your specific client scenario.  See below for this activity idea ...





Directions:  

1) Draw/pattern of dream catcher
2) Decorate dream catcher 
3)  Have the client/patient write out negative emotions, triggers, or experiences. (This would either be accompanying a discussion or follow up to discussion.  Depending on the client, he/she may want to jot these things down during discussion, then transfer over to the dream catcher page).
4) "TRAP" the negative thoughts/triggers/emotions (You could even take a few moments to have the client close his/her eyes and visualize this).  
5) Have the client/patient surround the dream catcher with strengths, positive traits, activities, and other things/people the client loves.  (Again, you may want to take moments to visualize that all those positive "wanted" things are floating free for him/her to have).  

I used quiet music which featured a Native American wood flute and nature sounds in the background.  

Enjoy!

Jessica Daisi

Are you having a "Mind Full Monday" or a "Mindful Monday"?

Hello!

I hope your Monday has been good so far. Remember, if experiencing Monday stress (or stress any day of the week), check out my last blog post on Body Scans ("Just Checking In"). Also, I have an "Oh Monday" post you may enjoy!

Anyhow, here is some follow up to my last post (Body Scans/"Just Checking In").  Here is some of the science around mindful meditation/relaxation:

 Body Scan Meditation

Why It Works

Body scan meditation is a great place to start for an understanding of the ancient and powerful practice of meditation. Meditation, as you surely know, has gone mainstream. It’s now a regular part of recovery programs in hospitals across the country.

According to brain imaging studies [S-4] [S-5] [S-6], meditation can lower high blood pressure and lessen chronic pain, anxiety and depression. It alters regions of the brain associated with memory, self-awareness and compassion.

In a study conducted at the Massachusetts General Hospital, participants attended weekly 2.5-hour group meetings in which they practiced mindfulness meditation. At the end of the 8 weeks, the meditators felt more capable of acting with awareness, observing the world around them and remaining nonjudgmental.

So how exactly does meditation reduce anxiety? In a 2013 study, scientists at Wake Forest identified the brain functions involved in the process. While meditating, participants showed greater brain activity in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, the area that controls worrying. And when activity increased in the anterior cingulate cortex (the part of the brain that controls thinking and emotions), anxiety levels also decreased. The best part, at least for beginner meditators? You don't have to sit for 30 minutes to reap the benefits: According to the lead author of the study, Fadel Zeidan, Ph.D, "just a few minutes of mindfulness meditation can help reduce normal everyday anxiety." [S-30]

-  Happify.com (Source)

"Just Checking In" - BODY SCAN for Self Care/Stress Management

"Hey, just checking in!"

I've noticed I often start out messages, notes, emails, etc. with that little tag, "Just checking in!"
Well today I incorporated a self care/body awareness technique that reminded me of this.  Some call it a BODY SCAN, but I like to call it, "Just Checking In!"
Doing a body scan exercise only takes moments, and it goes a long way in both increasing your self awareness AND decreasing the progression of things you are allowing within yourself that are mentally, emotionally, and/or physically damaging.  

A Body Scan is just that.  It's you taking some moments to STOP and Check In. CHECK OUT of what you are presently doing  (working, thinking, stressing, staring at a computer, etc) and CHECK IN to your body.  This create's self and body awareness.  Why is this important? Here's why ... 

1)  PHYSICALLY - you become aware of tension building in your body (which can lead to muscle fatigue and tension, headaches, body aches and pain, etc).  Once you are tuned into and become aware of the physical manifestations of stress on your body, you can take steps to alleviate these physical symptoms. You can recognize this sooner, in the beginning stages, rather than later, when it's become actual pain/ailment. 

2) MENTALLY - First off, you are taking a mental break, which is important for more reasons that the obvious.  Not only does it allow you to take a much needed mental breather, you will also find that the quality of your work and your endurance improves upon return.  Secondly, you become more aware and tuned in to your thoughts and how they are affecting your physical body.  When I do this exercise and I find that I have head tension and my brain feels like it's going a million miles an hour trying to get things accomplished, I make a point to focus on my head muscles and my head in general (even picturing my own brain).  Then I tell myself things like, "It's ok, you are working hard and you will get things accomplished.  Relax and then keep going.  It's all good." (Ha, yes, I'm encouraging you to talk to yourself!)

3) EMOTIONALLY - Emotions such as stress and worry and fear (and others ... fill in your own blanks), as you know, have an effect on us physically and mentally.  It works the other way around as well.  Our mental state and physical state can lead to certain emotions which often only continue the cycle.  So! Doing a Body Scan helps us to also become aware of our emotions, identify if we are feeling stress or worry (etc), and also see how it's effecting us in other areas.  We can then correct these, therefore, stopping the cycle.  

So, why wouldn't a quick little exercise like this NOT be an absolute must? Easy, quick, convenient, and it goes a loooooong way.  It could also keep you from developing that annoying headache (or neck pain or stomach issues etc etc) you "seem to get" at the end of a work day or certain project or even in a non work scenario (relationship stress, facing new self goals, etc).  

There are various techniques, ranging from more in depth exercises (similar to PMR exercises and such) to quick, on-the-spot exercises.  Today, though, I would specifically like to focus on a brief version that can be incorporated as yet another type of tool for you and your self care.

* NOTE: Be sure to only do this exercise within a safe environment as it is an exercise that is focused around deep inner concentration.  (Do not do this exercise while driving or during any other safety compromising activity.) 

Here's a quick (but potent) BODY SCAN option:

1) As always, get yourself in a comfortable position.  Close your eyes if able.  

2) Tune out of your external environment and begin to tune into your own body and self.

3) Notice right off what is going on with your body.  Do you feel tension anywhere? Do you feel any aches anywhere? If so, where exactly? Do you notice any dominant or repeating thoughts or feelings that may be leading to this tension? (For example, I may close my eyes and after tuning into my body, I notice that my head feels tense and my mind feels racy.)

3) Become aware of your breathing.  Begin to take more fluid, natural breaths.  Focus on your breathes.  

4) Picture yourself 'breathing in" relaxation and peace with each inhale, and "breathing out" tension and stress with each exhale. 

5) Just continue to notice any places within your body that need attention.  Breath out breaths through this area, and picture that the muscles in that area are relaxing with each breath.  Your mind determines what your body does after all, doesn't it? So tell it to relax. The main purposes of breathing are to breathe life giving oxygen in and to release carbon dioxide (released because it's not what our body needs).  So, it makes sense to breathe in what we need, and breathe out what we don't need.  

6) While you are guiding your breathes and relaxing tensions in your body, also allow yourself to casually notice any thoughts that are coming into your head. Recognize any that may be leading to your body tensions, and release those thoughts.  Each time those thoughts some into your mind, again, just picture yourself releasing them.  Offer in thoughts that are positive as it's these positive thoughts that are actually what help us to "get things done".  

7) Do your best to remained focused inwardly.  However, if interruptions come through, just acknowledge them and then let them slip away.  Then refocus on your body scan. Continue to check in with all parts of your body.

8) When you are ready, gently open your eyes and return to your work or present activity with a better state of mind and relaxed body.  

So ... guess what? These types of exercises not only help "in the moment", they also help to retrain your brain over time.  As you continue to recognize and release negative thought patterns, you will notice that your natural tendencies will begin to naturally shift to positive/healthy thought patterns.  

Have a great weekend, friends!

Jessica Daisi

Lay It Down

Lay It Down

-jdaisi grooms
"I feel so tired.
I feel so alone.
So many burdens
and mistakes I've made ...
Tired of carrying them
all my days.


I want to lay them down...
I've got to lay them down...
I'm going to lay them down...
Right now."

Are there things you have been carrying? Things that aren't healthy for you? Things you need to let go of ... things you need to let go of you?

Don't believe those thoughts that you deserve your burdon ... that you earned it.  Don't believe that it's there to stay, that you can't shake it. 

It's time. 

Lay it down. 

Take a moment soon to go to a private peaceful place where you can be alone and focus ... free of distractions.  Put on some instrumental music, and close your eyes and try to focus on making these words count ... then say the above poem/lyrics out loud.  Mean every word.  You may want to take it a step further, and write down those burdens that you are releasing, and then physically 'get rid of them' by throwing the paper in the trash (ripping it first, if you'd like to ... to feel, maybe, that it's truly finished). 

Take a some time afterwards to breath deeply, and picture yourself without those burdens anymore.  Go back to life and reality in that new state.

Jessica